Pelosi Announces Faith-Based Immigration Policy

From The Wittenberg Door archives :

WASINGTON—Former Speaker of the House and supplemental Holy See Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) announced her new immigration policy this week. Although vowing that her deeply-held religious convictions would not color her political decisions, Congresswoman Pelosi shocked constituents with her new Bible-based policy.

Using verses found in the book of Second Illusions, the Holy Mother dictated that clerics must preach what the government tells them, including the new gospel of illegal immigration.

The cardinals, the archbishops, the bishops that come to me and say, 'We want you to pass immigration reform,' and I said, 'I want you to speak about it from the pulpit. I want you to instruct your' -- whatever the communication is . . . The people, some (who) oppose immigration reform, are sitting in those pews, and you have to tell them that this is a manifestation of our living the gospels.

The new policy and redefined-gospel have caused reactions in both the sacred and the secular world. Noted armchair theologian and all-around-good-egg, The Catechizer, had this to say,

We Protestants define the gospel as imputation—Christ’s righteousness being imputed (transferred) to his people, and their sin being imputed to him, which he bore on the cross. For Rome, though, it’s always been based on works. This new gospel is no different; except now to earn my salvation I apparently must either break into someone else’s country and steal their resources, or I must help someone violate the sovereignty of my own country and break our laws. Either way, lying, cheating, and stealing are now Christian virtues.

In a legal brief filed today, Winfred La Pooh, vice president of Atheists United to Keep Religious Wackos Out of Politics (AUKRWOP), stated, “This is America. Land of the free. This means that we should be free from having to listen to these religious zealots. Hasn’t Congresswoman Pelosi read the part of the constitution about separation of church and state?”

After learning that there is no “separation of church and state” in the constitution, Ms. La Pooh responded, “We at AUKRWOP are sure that the judges will be able to find it in there somewhere.” A lawsuit is pending in federal court.

--The Catechizer